Thursday, December 3, 2015

Smoldering



Smoldering

On this lonely path I go.
I know I must
to leave behind bad memories
and the hell I have caused.
A fire still burns within me.
I liked that fire in the past
but did not realize what it had caused.
The path I am on is new, even different.
Different from the path of my fire.
This new path I must take is all on me.
No fire, no hell, no misery.
On this path I must smother
the fire that rages within me.
I must live without it.
But it is hard because with it is how
I cope.
It is my life source, my being, my companion.
I will learn to smother the fire.
Until I reach an end to my path,
my fire will be smoldering.

Strength




STRENGTH


I can be as strong as a monster

Ready to destroy.


I can be as strong as the monster

Pay attention to my gnarled teeth

I will rip apart everything I step on with my feet.


I can be strong in ways you don’t expect.

I can be as strong as a hero

Able to save the day.


My strength can be gentle.

I can be as strong as a smile

Ready to say hey.



I can be strong and change the world.

I can make you smile, too.

I can be both but I don't bother to.

Dead Love



Dead Love

My love for you is very bad
I never would think that
you would treat me like trash

You can't convince me that

My family and I dislike you
It is impossible that
You can be my wife someday

You would be a disrespectful girl
I can't say that
You wouldn't hurt me emotionally

Because I know that

My life is ruined by you
It is not true that
You cared about me at every moment

I hate you
I will never say
My love for you is true


Read bottom to top
when finished!!

Champion



Champion

My champion is you.
Oh, how you've changed me.
You made me a new man
and changed my view.

I did wrong for too long.
I stayed on a negative path.
Selling drugs and fighting
got me in trouble real fast.

But then there's you, my champion.
The one who transformed me into
someone new.
The man I am today is because of you.
Never will I forget my champion.
My one year old son,
(name withheld)

Love, Part One


Love” Part One


On days like this
I stop and wonder
where all the years
have gone.
And though time may
change a lot of things
in life, it'll never
change the love
that's felt for
a wonderful girl
like you.

Recovery (a group poem)


Recovery
(A group poem in which each member contributed at least one stanza)

Turn the key in your old ride
Hear a crack from the inside
Hear it sputter, fail to run.
You know your old car is done

I was addicted to drugs but then I sought recovery
My life was coming to an end
Rehabilitation was for me

I made some mistakes
Made my way into the juvenile hall
Now I'm here for recovery

Recovery, recovery
Yes I really need it
God, can you help me find the way?

Recovery, recovery
Something that everybody needs
Recovery can make you successful and believe

Temptation is pulling me
To go back to my old ways
No, I can't go back
Fix it before it's too late

You can heal from addiction
Just remember, Love can be a drug
It's all about the willpower to change it

But I'm 16, not brainless
Besides I knew the truth at 10
I said I'll never do it again

It was hard to break my old ways
Been doing me for years, never wanted to change
But I did it for me and I did it for my family

Times I want to break down
But don't because my family's still by my side
And now it's time for recovery

Yes, I knew I really needed it
At the end was success
And my family was really proud of me

Recovery, recovery
Help me, help me
Just want to be a better person.

Recovery ain't easy
Hard times, rough life
But got faith in life

My life is in recovery
For things I've done wrong
But now it's time to make changes

Call someone to take it away
Into the shop where it will stay
Until it's fit to drive again.



Tuesday, September 8, 2015

I'm Addicted




I'm Addicted

I'm addicted
I'm addicted to her love
In my addiction, my life is filled with doves
In my addiction, I'm glad to feel her hugs and
Her love that sits above
In my addiction, I hate to think about the times
We faded
In my addiction the real me becomes the
Real me because of how much I hate it
In my addiction, I struggle to tell her how
Much I love her
In my addiction, I'm hiding my true feelings
From her
In my addiction, I'm in a constant battle of
Figuring out whether she really loves me
Or not.

Dedicated to the love of my life

Untitled





Untitled

When I talk about my life people think
It's an epiphany.
But I'm just speaking from my heart
What I went through was true history.
The things that happened in my life
I never understood.
But then I cracked that mystery.
And now I really took a look
Started talking 'bout my feelings and
How I really feel about things.
It's time to dump that junk that
I had bottled up inside me.
As I started to dump it all
Got scared and pulled back
Cuz I thought they were doubting me
And thought I was full of crap.

Untitled




Untitled

I got a text message I sit on the couch
wondering what the message would say
The text message came
Forever in your arms is where I want to be
holding me close
within the space
that once held only me
The phone ringing
forever in your warmth
the place for me and you
I feel the sun
Our life's just begun
I know you miss me too
And I love you, you're my boo.

Depression






Depression

Every waking day you feel
hopeless and without inner fire
knowing only desperation
happiness, your lone desire,
dances away and with it takes
all hope of you ever coming back
to sanity, to family
to everything you ever knew.

Schizophrenia





Schizophrenia

You're of two minds, it's insanity.
You hear the voices, they urge you on.
Telling you, demanding of you,
everything you know is wrong.

Stubbed Toe







Stubbed Toe

The pain
it overwhelms your mind.
The pulsing agony
it makes you blind,
Rage at the source
it consumes your soul.
Your wrath
is impossible to console.
Sanity
you no longer know.
Curse the world
you stubbed your toe.

The Beast

The Beast

The rasping, gasping evil tone
The source of evil the heart of stone
A need to raze a love of death
The presence of it takes your breath
The monster with it's grotesque form
A face despised, withered, and torn
You cannot think, you cannot run
Chance of escape is slim to none
It closes in and moves to kill
It seeks excitement but you stay still
Your consciousness begins to fade
Your fate is set, the deal is made
You cease to breath, you see the end
The beast begins to tear and rend
You drift away and leave your mind
And everything you knew behind.

Survival Short Lived

Survival Short Lived” - DJ A.M.

A crash in the night
A shot in the dark
A flame in the sky
You walk away against all odds
But you allowed the needle to play God.

Message to My Godmother

Message to My Godmother

That girl in the mirror
daughter of San Juan
made of sunshine and sugarcane
looks like my mom
She used to run weightless
Time a perfumed bottle
hanging from her neck
Manana a song
she made up the words to
while she skipped
until the day she stopped
caught the toothless, squirming bundle
heaven dropped into her arms
and gravity kicked in
Her life took a new spin
This screaming gift did not
lead her to dream places
or fill all her empty spaces
like she thought
Silly C------, she bought into
Miami high
That love is mostly what you get
instead of what you give
and what it costs
like the perfumed bottle
ripped from her neck
and sent flying to the ground
The crashing sound
of years lost
shattered in her ears
and new fears emerged
from the looking glass
Sometimes I wonder
if I'll ever see her again.

Addicted

ADDICTED


I am addicted.
I am addicted to you.

In my addiction, my life is filled with wonder.
In my addiction, I am glad to feel loved by you.

I am addicted.
I am addicted to you.

In my addiction, I hate to think about being without you.
In my addiction, the real me becomes curious and blissful.

I am addicted.
I am addicted to you.

In my addiction, betrayal comes in the form of evil.
n my addiction, I struggle to not think about you.

I am addicted.
I am addicted to you.

In my addiction, I am hiding my worries about you.
In my addiction, I’m in a constant battle with loving you for life.

I am addicted.

The Sheep of Life

The Sheep of Life

Seeing the sheep of life
is the wisdom
we must aspire.
Hearing the bleat
of a little lamb
is the first cry
of a child.
Knowing the inspiration
will pick all of us up
when we are
feeling down.
The sheep is a
vehement sign
that our life can change
for the better.
Seeing it roam
in the pasture
just another day.
She gets to live
the worst is for the better.
When you taste it
it will be strong
but don't let it
get to you.
Let the inspiration
of aspiration
pick you up.
If you're happy
the sheep will be happy.
Kindness is a way to start.
Be your best.
Little lamb let your tender heart rest.

Addicted

ADDICTED


I am addicted.

I am addicted to the streets.
In my addiction, my life is filled with grief.
In my addiction, I am glad to feel relief.


I am addicted to the drama
In my addiction, I hate to think about the struggles of my mama.
In my addiction, the real me becomes overpowered.


I am addicted to the trends.
In my addiction, betrayal comes in the form of a friend.
In my addiction, I struggle to stay sane.


I am addicted to the rush.
In my addiction, I am hiding my true colors.
I’m in a constant battle with my demons.

I am addicted.

Thursday, July 16, 2015

Twin Doors

Twin Doors

I see a door
It's the color of coal
At it's side there is another door
It's the color of snow
One to temptation
One to salvation
I am stuck
With either door comes new opportunities
But one's filled with joy
The other with scrutinies
One's full of sin an blasphemy
It's twin holds love, peace, and tranquility
And now comes the question
Which shall I choose?

My Friend

My Friend

All I see is white walls
They're there when I wake up
And when I go to sleep
They stare at me with a stone cold expression
They laugh when I cry
And mock me when I am down
But yet they are my greatest friends
They listen to my troubles
And all of my struggles
All of my irrational thoughts
All of my happy thoughts
And sometimes I wonder
Am I going insane/

Untitled

Untitled

I think I'm going insane
Stuck between 4 walls that feel like a cage
I can't keep up with these thoughts in my brain
Pushing me to do wrong when I'm trying to do right
I can't let 'em win so I continue to fight
In the light is where I wanna be
not the darkness
My old way wasn't cuttin' it so I chalked it
So now I started from the bottom up
And I won't give in or even let 'em up
I keep them grounded like a bad child
They try to put me down but I still smile
And ayo thoughts, I know we've gone the mile
But I'm a change man so you'll be gone
A while.

The Right Shoulder Man



The Right Shoulder Man

I love him because he helps
me challenge all my sinister
thoughts.
He accepts me with all my sins
and my faults.
He leads me away from
the temptation to
achieve salvation.
He shows me the
Good Orderly Direction.
This can only be one person.
The man on my right shoulder.

Nature is Calling

Nature is Calling

Nature has always been a beautiful thing.
When it comes to the burgeoning of trees
the singing of the birds
or the buzzing of the bees.
With the dulcet sound of the stream
the sun in the distance
in a beautiful Shangrila dream.
I'm a zealot when it comes to an adventure.
Visiting forests is my biggest goal.
The nature there is garish
it will always be in my soul.
The extraordinary beauty of gigantic bears
claw marks on maple trees
where they left their matted hairs.
Rotted out trees that have fallen
the dead leaves and weeds
the wind is calling.
All the sweet little animals that are at peace
eating and drinking all day
hearing the squawk of a bunch of geese.
The bright blue sky wherever you go
by being intrepid you will be affected
and want to watch bright stars glow.
Nature will always be on my mind
I will be orgulous either way
because the wilderness is very kind.

Make the Move

Make the Move

I can't take it back
but I gotta keep moving
and grooving.
Only thing I got up in my hands is
making better improvements.
I gotta do it
cuz I know I wanna get better.
Max up out dis place
Move on with my life and get up
out the center.
So I'm reaching for my destination
using God as motivation.
Told me I could do it
so I took His word no hesitation.
Ain't no one gone stop me
I'ma get it like I'm Rocky.
Beat up on these people stocky
running through the field I'm cocky.
Make the move.


Untitled

Untitled

I had to work to get to where I wanted
to be never thought that I could
rap or put rhythm to a beat
now I'm here and I made it it was
all up to me
couldn't let nobody put me down
or let them stop me
Throughout my life I had some people
telling me I couldn't do it
But I proved them wrong
once I picked that mic up I started
spitten my song
Realized that I had talent
so I stepped up in the booth
Once I stepped up in the booth
started spitten nothing but the truth
once I realized that my rap game
could take me somewhere in life
I stopped wearing that bulletproof
and picked up the mic.

Hallucination


Hallucination

There's someone there
It's got to be true
There's someone there and it's got to be you.
My father I'm seeing
Is this really true
Got me feeling like I'm hallucinating
Haven't seen my father in years
So I'm really hype to see him
I run up to him, arms real wide
What's that on my face? Yes it's a smile
I jump up so he can grab me
But then I go right through him
I fall to the ground
Now my whole life is in ruin
I'm sitting on the ground pouting
Feeling like I'm climbing up a mountain
With a thousand pounds on my back
And it ain't never stopping
Thought he came back for me
But it was just a ghost
Yea, that ghost got me
Cuz now my heart is toast
I don't even know what to do
Man I'm so confused
My thoughts are roaming places that I ain't
even choose.
That's why I went to drugs and used
To get away from my thoughts and
feelings of my abuse
And it's not just with my father
It's with my mother, too
The stuff that we went through
was really out of the blue
Man the street's been eating us alive
Since the age of five
I gave my hopes up a while ago
Cuz I knew we couldn't survive
Man my life is tough
Yea, we had it rough
It's like those streets are eating us and
They can't get enough.
When is it gonna stop
I wish I had a time so I can look
At the clock and figure out when we
Gonna get off the block
Cuz I'm getting tired of going back to back
I want to know when we're gonna have
A stable home so we can sit back
And relax straight facts.
Let's get it

But I know it ain't gonna stop
Cuz we been on dis ride going back
To back since twelve o'clock
I turn around
Look at my mom like what we gonna
Do
Ma can you please say something
Ma what can we do
But she's just looking straight in my
Eyes like she ain't got no freaking
Clue
Like she don't know what to do
Like she don't know what she puttin us
Through
Got me sick to my stomach like I'm stuck
With the flu
No wonder we living in poverty
And it really bothers me
Mom ain't doing nothing
We sleeping all up in a hotel lobby
But pause
My mother is my mother
Even though she got us in the gutter
I still love her like no other.

Special Kid

Special Kid

A very important
birthday poem!

Each family needs
a person, someone
friendly, fun
and smart.
A fellow who's got
lots of charm
with courage in
his heart.
A cheerful sort,
ambitious
easygoing.
Handsome, too...
Each family needs
a guy like that.
Hey, wait a sec
that's you!!

Love and Hate


Love and Hate

Hate
It corrodes your insides
It poisons your heart
Makes you yell, kick, and fight
But it can be cured by only one thing
Love

It is hate's total opposite
When you love you see the beauty of
Many kinds
When you hate you see life through
closed eyes

When you hate you fail to love
And when you love you see the
Hate

They are like night and day
and the world needs both


Waiting for My Moment


Waiting for My Moment


I did what I had to do
I proved what I had to prove
Is there anything more that I have to lose
I'm going to the edge
I hit rock bottom falling from a ledge
I'm making my way to the hedge
Take it to the head
Soon you'll be back to your bed
Is what they always said
But I'm tired of the lying
Tears on my face from crying
They don't know that I'm really trying
To make an effort to go through a metamorphosis
By passing tests and all the other courses
But being pulled by forces
In each and every direction
I'm starting to lose affection
So pay attention
To the words that I'm spilling
I'm willing
To spare my people from the killing
I need to be the change I want to see in people
Everything that's happening is lethal
I just want to live peaceful
But everything has me moping
Like bad blood spilled from an omen
I'm just waiting for my moment.


Wednesday, February 4, 2015

Note: This is a group poem in which each of the boys in the writing group contributed at least one 3 line stanza on their chosen theme of Pain.



Pain

Pain is indescribable
Pain is an enigma
Why won't my pain go away?

Pain is bad
Pain is really bad
Pain is like a pencil in my back

In the beginning
The pain was tolerable
As sunburn soothed by aloe

But the pain worsened
like skin blistered
from the touch of red hot iron

My pain is unbearable
It splits my skull like a knife
going through butter

It's like the look a man gets
when he knows he's going to die
The pain in his eyes gives it all away

This pain is like a sore
that won't go away
I try to itch it but it just stays.

All I see is pain
I'm living unashamed
But also dying by the gain
How can I maintain
With these demons in my brain

Pain can be violent
Pain can be silent
Silent waters run deep
You reap what you sow
And you sow what you reap.

The pain was not physical
Heartbreak is
The pain searing inside my chest

My pain is not your pain
It's all my own
So don't you ask
Just leave me alone


Note: This is a group poem in which each of the boys in the writing group contributed at least one 3 line stanza on their chosen theme of being Here.

 
 
Here

Like the first time I saw this place
When I got locked up there was fear
But that's now gone to a different me

Jumping hurdles day by day
Mending the broken relationships
Not just to better ourselves

Like when I first came down for treatment
Like when I throw my hissy fits
Like when I finally give in

It is the test of all tests
We have to be our best
On a very long quest

The staff makes you tired
It's like the running of the bulls
And I have been on my last strand

Like the staff trying to help out
When the white walls are closing inward
It all stops when I finally give in

I feel like a puppet
Will I be released?
Will I ever hear the trumpet?

Nowhere to run
Only in my mind
Just darkness, I can't see the sun

Doing the same things, just a different day
I'm always wondering when it will finally end
But in the end I know I will be better

These walls be talking to me
They be bumpin' like some speakers
Letting me know I have a family waiting

And I'm sittin' in this room
with nothing new
because it's the same thing just a different day

And there's nothing I can do
But do what I have to do
because I know I have a family waiting

But I be gettin' in my head
Feeling empty like I'm dead
While sitting here always debating

Because it gets old, it gets old
Growing gray hairs
Like it was some wisdom to be told

And you have two ears and one mouth
So you can listen more than you talk
Because well done is better than well said.

Untitled



Untitled

The time I've lost
will never be found again.
Yet even in my darkest days
I've thought of this moment.
I've changed.
I've conquered some of my greatest fears
In hopes that I can face the rest.
I've come a long way
and I will go even further.

Me and Myself


Me and Myself

I love me
Forever I have seen you in the mirror
even when I walk
you follow me like a hollow ghost
stretched upon the ground and walls
so close, yet so far
I could never reach you.

Those Days


Those Days

Those days I was happy
Those days I would smile
Those days I was with my family
Those days I was still a child.
I'll never forget those days
they were the best
and it's those days
that stick out from the rest.
When it comes to my family
there was no other
we were always together
and we would do anything for each other.
Seaside Heights, Ocean City Maryland
Jamaica, or Bermuda
It was my family
who came through blaring.
As years passed
those days became more rare
I saw 'em slippin away
and that feeling made me scared.
Those days are gone now
Those days will live long now
Those days will never leave my head
Those days are like my favorite song now.

Facing Each New Day

 
 
 
 
 
Facing Each New Day

As you face each new today,
may you find you'll always be
prepared to meet it's challenge,
use it's opportunity.
May you always have a dream to follow,
wisdom's light to guide you.
May you know that others love you
and will always stand beside
you.

Fire and Ice


Fire and Ice

If you play with fire
you get burned.
I found that out many
times in my life.
For example,
if you push someone to
their limits time after
time, you lose them....
forever!
After a while, the burn
starts to heal. That's
where you need ice
for extra help and that
help would come from your
friends and family. And
after the burn heals, you
will forever have a scar
to remind you that when
you keep adding fuel to
a fire you will always
get burned in the end.