Monday, June 17, 2019

Why Did I?


Why Did I?



I see the wind rustle the trees
swaying freely without any caution
with no worries about what they
do or have done, unlike myself who thought
"Why did I?"

The river, fast-paced and never ending
shines not color but the hustle of
everyday city life. Though the river may get
polluted and murky, the sun still shines
and legacy continues. That sweet
rush was taken away and I thought, "Why
did I?"

I remember the sun, showing me
the way. It was blocked by storm
clouds and mountains but still was able
to shine and light the way. It was my guide
the only reliable one I've ever had, now taken
away and once again I thought, "Why did I?"

I should have answered this long ago
but I just did not seem to know the
answer. A few years go by and it all fell
in place. The answer lies in my lack
of appreciation and gratitude for anything
life gave me.


Why I Play Basketball


Why I Play Basketball



Everybody shows up for a different reason.
A potpourri of ballers
Some guys come because they're regulars
Used to seeing all the fellas on a daily basis.
Some show for the first time on a tip from a friend
Try their skills in the best pickup around to see if they can hang.
A couple NBA cats roll through when it's their off-season.
Some jokers walk through the doors lookin' for
Nothing more than a sweat.
Some guys come to drop rainbow jumpers from deep.
Some come to throw their bodies around down low
To bang with the big boys.
Some guys pull in every day because they love talkin' trash
Barbershop talk in high tops.
They have something to say when they score.
They have something to say when anybody scores.
Some guys show up because they have nothing better to do.
Some workin' day guys show up from a bad day of work
And play until they get the sour taste out of their mouths.
Some guys come to dunk on somebody and hype up all the
Loud mouths on the sideline even more with a rim-rockin' two-hand bash.
Some feel like they're part of something, like a book club or a church.
Some guys roll in because they are addicted to competition
Got to beat somebody in something to be happy.
I show up cause the game is my life and it's the only place I get respect.

My Day


My Day



Everyday the sad and sorrow I feel.
No one can expect to be real.
Those feelings that I always felt,
I always hoped they'd melt.
Every day I wake up with the constant fear
Hoping if my freedom is anywhere near.
If you didn't know
This is how my day goes.
I open my eyes
I see nothing, what a surprise.
I take in a long, deep breath
And the air smells like death.
I think of what to do
In my small, tiny room.
I know what to do, my daily routine.
I pretend I'm stable and happy
But I feel totally crappy.
I pray for a guardian angel to save me
But, of course, that can't really be.
I force myself to eat
And for the rest of the day I feel extremely beat.
I go to my room and take a seat.
I'd love one conversation between you and me.
I lay down and pray,
Go to sleep and end my day.

Do You


Do You...


You don't understand what it's like
To grow up on the streets
You don't know what it's like
To act tough but be weak
You don't get what it's like
To be abandoned
You never felt what it's like
To have nothing to eat
You don't understand what it's like
To be thrown in the snow
In a tank top and shorts
You don't know what it's like
To steal to survive
And provide for your mama's kids
You don't get what it's like
To be locked out of the house
While running away from your "friends"
You never felt what it's like
To have no friends.
Can't hang our on the weekends
I've been through it
Tried to let go
I've seen stuff
That you never see on TV shows
All the negatives in life
All the pain and strife
Things don't end happily in the hood
Things are misunderstood
You're from the suburbs
Where everyone's a nerd
So you don't understand...do you?

Past


Past



my past isn't good
my past isn't great
there were awful things done
in front of my face

I tried to act tough
so I could keep my guard up
cause I'm afraid if I let my guard down
I'll also drop my crown

people say I'm intelligent
and I may be fun
but deep down inside
I just want to be loved

instead of wanting
to be loved I did drugs
I did it to take the pain away
so I could tell my family that I was okay

life could suck sometimes
i wish I could put it all away into a little cup
but unfortunately life doesn't go that way
and we just have to suck it up

Fair World


Fair World


I close my eyes
&
I see the wings
sparkling
big
&
pink

I wish I was that little girl again
who was afraid of the dark
had to have the little night light on
always asked to be tucked in
by mommie & daddie.

The fair world is so far away
but it feels so close to the touch
one little wish they told me
you have one little wish to come true

I wonder about it
I have a
castle
a queen and a king
that some times make me clean the dragon's area
a dragon that has fire breathing breath
really it's fire
yucky prince
&
all the love in the world
that one wish

I do not know what to ask for
maybe I could ask for new sparkly wings
when I open my eyes everything's back to the way it was

I'm in 213
wearing khakis and a polo
I read all beat up books

What happened?


In a Well-Ordered Universe


In a Well-Ordered Universe...


In a well-ordered universe
I wouldn't be myself
I wouldn't be so messed up
wouldn't need mental help

I wouldn't hurt people
or lose the ones I love
I wouldn't hate myself so much
my family would think I'm enough

Suicide would never happen
at funerals we wouldn't cry
no more people killing themselves
not having to wonder why they wanted to die

In a well-ordered universe
no one would be handicapped
there wouldn't be insecurities
the innocent wouldn't be attacked

There would be no rape
no more PTSD
there wouldn't be victims
survivors are all we'd see

There would be no racism
no more discrimination
we wouldn't hear or say racial slurs
only love across all nations

In a well-ordered universe
everyone has hope
there would still be tragic accidents
but everyone could cope

There wouldn't ever be a miscarriage
all parents would stay with and love their children
Mommies of daddies wouldn't just up and leave
no child would look at themself as a sin

Police brutality wouldn't exist
no one would have ever made any drugs
these foreign substances wouldn't enter our bodies
addicts would be addicted to hugs

In a well-ordered universe
I would be myself
everyone would have self-love
and instead of degrading
we'd give each other help