My Dream

MY DREAM

Imagine a day with a purple sky,

Red grass and no more flies

On this day sloths and slugs will race,

And the moon won't have a face

The clocks will stop telling time

And nothing will rhyme

We will find Bigfoot

And remember where everything was put.

Mermaids will be real

And nobody would steal

But most of all nobody will hate other people.

We will all again be equal.

Crayola

CRAYOLA

I want to be a crayola marker!

and it does not matter what color!

I would be washable since that's what people prefer!

I want to be a crayola marker,

so children can color their dreams,

and being bio-friendly is such a cool theme.

I want to be a crayola marker

since rose art is way too wack.

Crayola is just too classical and that's a well know fact.

I want to be a crayola marker.

Non-toxic is the best way to be.

Any colorful accidents is just too serious for me.

I want to be a crayola marker,

since that's who makes my pictures sharper!

So my life I sent so much darker!

Call Me

CALL ME

Call me strange, that may be true; but

I'll never be as strange as you.

Call me short, that's okay; but

I see people eye to eye and

have no reason to look down on them.

Call me loud, I'll accept that; because

at least somebody will hear what I have to say.

Call me greedy, not really; I'd just rather have it

and not need it, than need it and not have it.

Call me sarcastic, it's my weakness; but

It's not always sarcasm, it's usually true.

Call me trouble, I was; but

that's not who I really am any more.

Call me selfish, I am;

I just don't like to gamble a game I've already lost.

Call me __________. I am she and

that's my name and I love her.

Who

Who

Who can I hate?

Who can I blame?

When I stepped inside

the deep red flame.

I took the chances

I wanted this name.

I wanted to be

the one to take

over this game.

But that was a mission fail

because nobody knew who

in the Hell

I was for real.

Not even me.

I got so used to wearing so many

of these masks that

not even I can tell

who I am.

But that all can change

even though I lost everything

doesn't mean I lost

my self-esteem.

So it's my job

now to figure out

who is Beam?

Manipulating

Manipulating

Manipulating it's like

an addiction

can't be cured

but can be controlled.

And even when we

don't mean it

it brings us back

into our blackholes.

Manipulating I swear it

takes control and when

it does it's like

our brains are

on hold.

Manipulating it can kill the

soul because you

can say or do the

wrong thing to

people and later

it burns like coal.

Manipulating point blank

is very old and it

will come back to

haunt you, just little

do you know.

Again

Again

If you wake up having a bad day

and the hurting is so great

and you don't want to get up to face

the world you hate.

If your life right now seems horrible

and nothing you do seems okay

Just try harder and one day you'll find

the right place.

If everybody you cross has bought again and

again back down and filled you with pain

you must strive for greatness

to show them that you gained

a life of experience.

Because everyone feels sadness

and everyone feels pain

But those with the willing

to accomplish will win again and again and again

over the long lasting pain.

White Shadow

White Shadow

I am a clear shadow,

a shadow that's white.

You could see me in the dark,

but never see me in the light.

I am a clear shadow,

you could see right through me,

never know when I'm coming,

never know where I'll be.

I am a clear shadow

that could be spotted in glass.

Also in a picture,

only if I walk past.

I am a clear shadow.

I don't fear no one.

My powers are strong.

[More] powerful than the sun.

I am a clear shadow,

the clearest of them all,

the one you saw in the corner,

the one that possessed your doll.

I am the white shadow.

I'm Sorry

I'm Sorry

I'm sorry I wasn't

there when you needed me

most. All those tough times I

put you through. All those times

I wasn't home.

I'm sorry I didn't

listen to your advice

and for driving myself

down the wrong road.

I'm doing 6 to 9 months

but now I'm striving for

my Gold.

I'm sorry I got dropped

and pushed things back

two months. We all have

bad days but they just

come and go.

I'm sorry mom.

If You Really Knew?

If You Really Knew?

If you really knew me you would know

I quit basketball to get high.

If you really knew me you would know

I was abused by two gay guys.

If you really knew me you would know

I'm not a bad guy.

If you really knew me you would know

my mother was a prostitute and my dad was some guy.

If you really knew me you would know

my mother was fugitive of the week because she wanted to get high.

If you really knew me you would know

a long time ago I wanted to die.

If you really knew me you would know

I hate to cry.

If you really knew me you would know

how I had to survive.

If you really knew me you would know

I'm a different guy hiding behind a different

guy.

If you really knew me!!!!

From the Concrete

From the Concrete

Seed underneath, dirt on the ground,

crack in the walk,

while everyone stands all around, started

from the bottom, sprouted from the ground,

standing up tall where's everybody

now. Left alone petals all broken down,

because I was stepped on and brought

back down. I'm no longer a strong stem

that stands its ground. But that's okay,

because who would have knew a flower

would've grew from the concrete ground,

and plus I did it once,

I can do it again. But next time is

my time to win. I have no fear, so let

the growing begin.

Another Statistic

Another Statistic

I don't want to be another statistic.

Some deadbeat dad

who left his kids in life not

knowing what he had.

I don't want to be another statistic.

Some kid strung out on crack

who started from a party

and now can never look back.

I don't want to be another statistic.

Some kid out of school who dropped

out early because he thought the

streets was cool.

He thought that it was boring.

He thought it was dumb.

He doesn't have an education

and now he's living like a bum.

I don't want to be another statistic.

Some stereotype teen.

I'm going to make a difference.

I will complete my dream.

I won't end up on drugs or dead

on your new flat screen.

I will use my head to

become who I want to be.

I won't be another statistic

because that's just not me.

I Love You

I Love You

Love isn't a game,

love is just pain.

Reading all your letters

got me saying your name.

Screaming and yelling

I remember those days.

All those letters sound

good, but I gotta speak

to you face to face.

Love isn't just a word.

Love has a meaning

so when I say

I love you,

I really do mean it.

Anti-Venom

Anti-Venom

Dampy

wet

humid

after a long filthy

rain storm.

As a water moccasin

slithers near the

Mississippi River.

He quickly attacks

because he felt threatened.

Poor little kid is he going

to make it?

Yelling Help

crying

and rolling in pain

with only 20 minutes to live.

He's paranoid and doesn't know

what to do.

He rushes to the hospital

down with 5 minutes to live.

Docs quickly inject him with

anti-venom after 30 seconds

it quickly kicks in.

Lil Brother

Lil Brother

Our life, it's been this

huge roller coaster.

We've been up and down

around and around

and back down at

the same spot

the ground.

And I never left you

until last year.

I had so much

built up from anger to fear

and I let it out on you.

Why would I dare?

You were my hero, you were my best friend.

You are the one I would share life with again.

We argued we fought but at the end

we were playing PS3 all over again.

Lil bro, no matter what happens

I will come back for you.

I will tear down this world and build

it back for you because you

are my hero you are my friend.

Brainstorm

Brainstorm

I got so many things running

through my mind.

I try to look for thoughts.

But they are hard to find.

The lightning is vicious.

The thunder is loud.

My brain is getting covered

by the humongous cloud.

The Sun's heat rays

are starting to overpower.

The cloud is disappearing.

The thoughts are starting to shower.

Now the storm is faded

and the thoughts are back.

The rainbow is colorful

but my thoughts are black.

The sun is glowing

with it's venomous light.

My mind is shining

but it will never be bright.

Frustrations

Frustrations

The anger is boiling my blood.

The voices are never stopping.

My frustration is explosive.

My emotions are venomous.

The anger is getting hotter.

The blood is getting thicker.

The mind is always running

with thoughts that are swollen.

My heart is dark.

My mind is numb,

the emotions are starting to take control.

My hands ball into fist.

My ears are steaming.

My tongue is biting.

And my eyes are poisonous.

The actions are harmful.

They lead me to destruction.

My fist flies into walls.

My voice trembles with no sorrow.

Finally I cool down.

With the blowing wind

the emotions are fading.

My thoughts are colorful.

My brain is in comfort.

The blood is cold.

The frustration is gone.

But they are hiding inside.

Learning from my Past

Learning from my Past

I lay awake at night thinkin'

of my pain, there's no way it

can get better, I have nothing

left to gain.

I manage to keep my composure

when people are around, because they don't

understand me, that's why I barely

make a sound.

I smile when I have to, I break down

when I don't , I know I should be

strong, But my mind is telling me I won't.

So I plan to drink a little, take

some pills on top of it. It shouldn't take

long, soon enough I should be out of it.

I wake up in confusion, I don't know

where I am. Is this heaven or hell,

the land of the eternally damned.

I see my mom behind me, my head

in her hands. I say, “Mom I'm sorry.

I'm glad I'm not dead.”

I know it's not over, there's a long road

ahead. But I appreciate the little things because

I should be long dead. I've learned to live

each day like my last. I look forward to

the future and learning from my past.

Don't Dwell

Don't Dwell

Seventeen years of my life

I've been giving and forgiving

caring and sharing

but when I forgive,

I don't forget.

Not having a father wasn't the case,

being abused was

a disgrace.

I look at the past

but I don't dwell.

I live life and

have no regrets.

I learn from my

mistakes and keep

it moving and know

I have to keep

improving.

Giving up isn't a choice

but if I fall I

get back up and

show the world

I am not losing.

Untitled

A sore shoulder as soon as I open

my eyes,

To my surprise,

The darkness answered my personal question

of whether the sun has arised.

Feelings unvocalized in my head.

Go 'head !

No you shouldn't,

considering everything that you said.

Open!

May the happiness arise from the dead.

“Line up for breakfast!”

Behind Locked Doors

Behind Locked Doors

The doors are blue, the walls are white,

the rooms are chilly, the security's tight.

The hallways are long, the rules are strict,

the feeling is raw, the windows are thick.

The days are fast, the months are slow,

the smell is ugly, the wind never blows.

Behind locked doors is not a place to be,

especially if you want to be free.

Behind locked doors is a fear of my own,

I don't know when I'm going to go home.

Outside these doors is the gift of life,

but trouble is waiting to take the bite.

Behind locked doors there's a positive side,

if you learned your lesson, you won't end up

back inside.

I'm Sorry

I'm Sorry

I'm sorry for all the times

I lost my temper

For the times I was disrespectful

For all the people that were

given to me and I never said

god thank you.

For all the love you've shown me

And I haven't shown it back

For all the time you were patient

A skill I really lacked.

I'm sorry for all the people

to whom I was cruel

to all the people I picked on

in and out of school.

I couldn't see past your weakness

I couldn't see past my pride

Your heart I trampled over

On my high horse I used to ride.

The only person I cared about

was me and only me and now I'm

Truly sorry you got hurt by me

I know it's a little late because

my deeds are all done but I

realize now that I was wrong.

So I'm sorry everyone.

Ice Box

Ice Box

Ice box,

ice box,

please put me in your right spot.

With you I am all colors

but without you

I'm just a white sock.

I'm frozen in the moment because of

your cold personality.

I'm so cold and hypnotized that I

forgot the meaning of reality.

I'm global warming to your ice cap.

You got me caught up it's like your love

was just a mouse trap.

Look at the bigger picture and collect all of

the right facts

because you're focused on the portion that's

going to make you want to fight back.

I said you're colder than a winter storm.

You said you put me back together but I

know I'm torn.

When I give you a hug there's no spot

that can make me warm.

You got the coldest, the most careless

heart to ever be born.

Ice box.

Lost in the World

Lost in the World

I'm lost in the world, no where to be found.

I look at the streets and I don't hear a sound.

No cars, no violence, not even birds in the air.

The winds sound like roars of an angry bear.

The sun is asleep. The moon is awake.

The scent of a Dark Creature is waiting to take.

It doesn't know how to go for the bait.

I'm lost in the world, with no choice to make.

I'm hungry, scared, alone on the earth.

Then a couple days later mother nature gave birth

to an enormous storm that swallowed the sky.

Let's defeat the storm. We must give it a try.

My gravestone lies in the land of the unknown.

My body or casket was never to be shown.

I was lost in the world. Now I found my way home

to a secret place the world will never know.

You Don't Know Me

You Don't Know Me

You see that I am angry.

You see that I am defiant.

But you don't know me.

You would know me if...

You knew how hard it was to not be terrified

You knew how I feel sometimes that I'm own my own

You knew how I felt forced to do the things I do.

You see that I run with the wrong crowd.

You see that I don't hold back.

But you don't know me.

You would know me if...

You knew how I was in my own world

You knew how I was fighting a losing battle in my head.

You knew how I was vulnerable as a child growing up.

A Wounded Heart

A Wounded Heart

I pump blood everywhere you go

even in your seat.

You feed me oxygen,

in return I let you breath.

When that sharp thing pierced through me

I felt tired and weak

so had to go to sleep.

I woke up to the sound of beeps

the lifeline rose to its peek.

The doctors had to use the shocking heat.

They realized how much I was in need.

A wounded heart is what I became.

Lesson Learned

Lesson Learned

We walk into the world with out chest high,

no clue of our long journey.

We act out just to see who has the most pride

but when I gave cold it came back to burn me.

We always set up a self-destructive trap.

I wonder why would I want to hurt me.

This question makes us regret all of our acts.

Now we have a lesson that we just started learning.

How can you walk us through pain without our shoes on your feet?

You can't just jive and dive and cut around with some unordinary cleats.

My shoes cover miles,

not inches, yards, or feet.

If our lesson is learned our class won't repeat.

My choices are my choices, whether you like it or not.

I was lead to the water but only drank when my kitchen got hot.

I'm only 15.

You must've forgot

that when a lesson is given

it might not be learned on the spot.

Into the Wild

Into the Wild

You have everything you ever wanted.

I understand your point, but why?

How come you couldn't keep what you had?

Or at least be grateful that you have a choice.

Why would you want to understand

the loss of things you always had?

Potential

Potential

More brighter than the moon on a

clear, warm summer night.

Reaches farther than the point in space

that can't be reached by ongoing light.

Ambition grows to allow me to grab it

with my height.

I'm only 5'5” and my potential

is in sight.

My potential is protected

from the people who envy.

Which gives them another reason

to be hateful or resent me.

Patience is durable as a

bag from Hefty.

Determination is an animal so I warn,

do not pet me.

Judgmental

Judgmental

Why must you always have to criticize?

What?

I'm not doing good enough?

Why do I have to be treated as the little guy?

Is that because I don't look big and tough?

You're busy resenting about my difference.

You can't control whether or not I change.

So while I'm being judged based on your inference,

I'm going to continue to be the same.

Your mouth isn't talking

but your body language is on caption.

Your eyes continue stalking

and criticizing my every action.

Leave me alone.

Happiness

Happiness

Happiness is a powerful word.

A word that could change a life.

You could go from living on the streets

to having a house and beautiful wife.

It could never go up

but could always come down.

Either smile in your sleep

or frown till you drown.

It could never kill a human

but it could kill a soul.

And when you're in its shoes

it could make you from kind to cold.

Happiness is always pleasure.

It never says sadness.

But once you're on its dark side

it could lead you to powerlessness.

This word is amazing to most of us.

It brings tears of joy.

But if you take advantage

your life could be destroyed.

Locked Up

Locked Up

Locked up.

Waking up with rage.

Waking up to dudes.

Waking up to the same routine.

What more can I hate.

Counting down my

hours

minutes

seconds.

Is my time up?

No.

Praying to my higher power

hoping my time will go by.

I gotta suck it up,

cause my treatment

isn't speeding up.

All I can say is pray

for the best and

prepare for the worst.

A Hurricane Called Reality

A Hurricane Called “Reality”

It strikes where least expected.

It isn't like any other natural hurricane.

The only forecasts are warnings from ones who are experienced.

Which, in all seriousness, are not even listened to.

Then Hurricane Reality comes and shifts your world,

as continents did to Earth.

It leaves behind scars,

mostly emotional

but sometimes physical.

Open your eyes,

then realize

this can get critical.

My Father

My Father

My father is my hero.

He provided money, clothes, and a home.

What more could I ask?

A car, a mansion, a couple extra dollars

That'd be selfish of me.

I wouldn't blame myself if I was criticized.

Call me selfish, manipulative, sneaky.

Please and Thank You,

cause I definitely deserve it.

I've done it all.

All he's done is work hard.

Wake up at 10.

Run a business till 12, yes midnight.

Bring food on my plate.

They always told me

he works hard

he cares

he loves you.

And I slowly learned,

I have everything I need.

Without My Aglets....

Without My Aglets....

Frayed laces.

Along with them

comes a taste

of unkemptness,

frustration

of ever looming concrete.

Higher Expectation

Higher Expectation

My plans tonight,

a walk about town.

What could be more serene?

'Tis the middle of June,

the air conveys that story.

The air is viscous and sticky,

like swimming in a potter's slip.

I can already imagine the sounds

of downtown.

The insect buzzing

of neon dragon flies coloring

their respective businesses.

Cabbies and other upset motorists

yelling slurs and angry vulgarities

out of roadrage.

All the while,

overly persistent street rats

catcall at women passing by.

The atmosphere probably

holds the everlasting smells

of car exhaust and the smog

which smothers this city

like a fire blanket.

The same fumes gave

the air a metallic

taste resembling

burnt garbage.

I could just imagine the haze

obscuring my vision

like a swim in a murky river.

I never did like New York.

I think I will stay inside tonight.

See No, Speak No, Hear No

See No, Speak No, Hear No

No one sees the effort that's being applied,

Not even the forces of positive intentions inside.

I take the word of the ones who think I lied,

And I get deceived

So forever I'll hide.

Being accused of false perpetration

Triggers my intense state of articulation.

Now I'm disbelieved, honest or dishonest,

My lies are their truths, trust never promised.

Their ears ring to “one” but I say “two”.

Even if I say “one”, the bell is defused.

They know the stories of the what and the who

But Who is the liar, and What is one too.

See none of me.

Speak none of me.

Hear none of me.

Nonentity.

Pain

Pain

Does pain always have to hurt? No.

Does pain create lies? Yes

Some love pain.

Some also lie as a result of pain.

What's the actual definition?

A tingly sensation, maybe?

There is difficulty with trying

to define one emotion without adding

another emotion.

But it's easy to feel an emotion

to mask another one.

Some can chant, “Pain, pain, go away. Don't

come back any other day.”

If only...

That were true.

If only that can happen.

If only we could wash

away the panic.

If only we could just chant

the pain away.

If only I can let go

without limits.

You dumb ol' pain.

Perspective Poem

Perspective Poem

I laugh at the hataz, they act like I'm perfect

and if I become rich I know I deserve it

juvenile ain't worth it

being broke ain't worth it

I'm up when the sun's down

like I was working the 3^rd shift

better watch who you worship

watch who you pray to

no matter what happens

the hataz will hate you

but don't let that make you

your mindset will take you

to all sorts of places,

new people, new faces.

Self Portrait

Self Portrait

I'm painting my self portrait.

For this work I've chosen

the colors red, black, and white.

The red expresses all the pain and suffering

I've gone through.

The black is for all the bad

things I've done and the dark

secrets in my past.

The white is for the new life

I have given myself,

the forgiveness I wish to earn.

The background will depict abuse.

My life has been filled with it in many forms.

In my hands I'll be holding a mirror

so others see themselves

before judging me.

My eyes will look blinded

so I can see true beauty.

When people see my portrait

they will ask themselves,

“when will his suffering end”.

I will dedicate my portrait

to the world around me

so everyone can learn from my mistakes

not make their own.

I will name my portrait

“The Son of Assumption”.

Number 1 Contender

Number 1 Contender

She fights with her faith and heart,

not with her fist.

Although she wants to,

she physically can't.

She has been faced with this rival twice.

This is the most feared rival in the world.

He has killed millions,

no, trillions of beings, animals included.

He takes her hair without permission.

He amputates the left side of her chest.

He makes her sick for three days a week.

He attacks her immune system.

But her faith slowly becomes a shield,

a shield of bravery,

a shield of courage,

a shield of vast confidence,

a shield the shape of a heart.

Her rival debates on whether to stay or

go.

But the shield is so powerful,

as if the naked eye stared into the

sun from two miles away,

more powerful that the gravity that pulls

the earth.

She, is my inspirational hero.

She, defeated breast cancer.

She, is the number 1 contender.

E. A. P.

E. A. P.

You've taught us

so much about ourselves

Our fascinations

Our fears

Our loves

Our laments

You were the master of horror.

I think you still are.

Even your initials, when stated,

make the sound of a scream.

I ask you, though,

Edgar A. Poe

what inspired your

fascinations and your fears?

You constantly allude to death.

Is it your tuberculosis curse

that was the root of this

constant, recurring theme?

Or was it something deeper?

Could it be your guilt

with these occurrences?

Is that why you were so reckless?

A drunkard and a loner?

Edgar A. Poe

their deaths were not your fault.

You may rest in peace.

Champion

Champion

America is my champ. It gave me a chance to stand

in a stance, chest out, chin tucked. Europe asked us for what?

British soldiers stormed colonist bases. There is a big difference

between loyalist and patriot. The British way of thinking

was clogged like a pore, and, in violation of the vice admiralty

courts. The Tea Act, Stamp Act, Coercive Act. Europe was

strongly recoiled on this. But they would never take away the

Independence of American Royalness. I wish I could thank

all the colonists but I can't. The greatest thing about this was

Benjamin Franklin being ambassador to France.

Why You Gotta Act Like That

Why You Gotta Act Like That

I have to battle adversity.

When I talk, my mind is not appropriate

so it's hard to filter.

Everyone has a sweet intention

it's just that their words are salty.

I'm in the vicinity of four walls.

This is the first place I have been in that

causes my brain to pause it's thoughts.

But then again, it's just the world

doing it's job.

The purpose is to operate.

Emotions constantly change,

but the pain stays the same.

I'm trapped inside myself and

trapped inside this building.

But when I get the discharge

to step outside myself

I will find myself trapped inside

this world.

I don't see a difference.

The only difference

is this world minus me

is the start of walking into the new me from zero

But it seems to me that, that's all I ever had

was zero.