There's Something Wrong With Me

There’s Something Wrong With Me

I always lie

All I ever do is cry

I freeze in fear as people walk by

Please answer me why

I’ve seen therapists

They say, “Here’s a number.”

They can handle this

I’ve seen psychologists they

Say, “Make sure she takes this.”

I’ve seen doctors they

Say, “Take her here. I’m sorry sir.”

My life goes by in a blur

Always hearing people say,

“What’s wrong with her?”

Storms

Storms

They come with fire and they leave with ice

The pain crawls up my veins

Pleading and begging me to attack

The icy feeling crawls down my spine

After attacking my arms, my thighs, and my stomach

The pain of relief floats away

The next day the pain of my attack is throbbing

Worries come stabbing my mind

Can anyone see them?

Is anyone going to judge me?

Where is my hoodie that I wear when the attacks happen?

How am I going to hide these?

My family tells me I need to STOP

I tell myself I need to STOP

The storms are so powerful

Words of those who hurt me

Pictures of ones that I’ve lost

They know how to kick your feet off the ground

So you can lay on your back with no air

I constantly wonder if the storms will take me

I wonder will I control them or will they control me.

Red Stripes

Red Stripes

I love these red stripes

The sight eases my pain

So I choose to continue wearing them

Over and over they go and reappear

Every morning I open up those drawers

Wondering what size will I wear today

Do I want them big so everyone can see?

Or small enough so my color is only for me?

Choose, choose, choose…

Okay, I’ll just grab one

What’ve I got to lose?

My life, more blood, another trip to the ER

Red stripes

You control my life

You ease my strife

But everyday you make me choose life or knife

Oh no…

The color is too deep

“Mom?! Please help me!”

I wait but she’s not there

I feel like I can’t breathe

My eyes are shutting

No...keep fighting!

My last breath is taken

Why Me?

Why me?

I can never know when you’re going to come

But I know when you are going to leave

It hurts more when you leave

But when you leave I crave you

I miss you, I want you

Could I have your number? No

But you have mine and you have my time

Depression

You hurt my heart, my arms, and my stomach

Friends always wanted me to stop

But you always had me tied around your fingers

Why did you choose me?

Monster

Monster

Monster, monster go away

You make me want to run away

Every time I hide you find another way

To taunt my every move and

Consume my every thought with

A vicious cycle

“Here we go again!”, I say to myself

“When will it ever end?”, I ask myself

How could I have done all this to myself

By making one careless mistake?

I have opened the doors to a game I

Do not want to play

I have sold my soul

To the devil himself

Will there ever be a way

To get you out of my head?

From the moment I wake up

Till the time I go to sleep

You’re all that’s on my mind

How will I ever replace this waking thought?

How will I ever manage to get away?

Will I ever be able to escape your vicious spell?

It feels like I’ll be stuck with you till death do us part.