Nothing But a Mutt

Nothing But a Mutt

I am the "What are you?"

the "Where are you from?"

I am white, Spanish, African, Indian

I have a white family

I have black and Spanish too

In the place I live, white is an honor

while blacks are only "hoodrats"

My family is both superior and inferior

All my homies are getting shot

White people are the shooters

You see, I have no true identity

My category is undefined

But it doesn't really matter at all

All non-whites are grouped together

Neither side will claim me

I'm too tainted by the other

Tainted by my preference

Or lack of preference

There's nothing worse than an unknown girl

Other than an unknown girl in love with a girl

I am seventeen years of defiance

of unnamed mutt

of another colored girl in jail

I am alone and isolated

Addict going nowhere, another statistic

I am white, Spanish, African, Indian

How about you?

Why Did I?

Why Did I?

I see the wind rustle the trees

swaying freely without any caution

with no worries about what they

do or have done, unlike myself who thought

"Why did I?"

The river, fast-paced and never ending

shines not color but the hustle of

everyday city life. Though the river may get

polluted and murky, the sun still shines

and legacy continues. That sweet

rush was taken away and I thought, "Why

did I?"

I remember the sun, showing me

the way. It was blocked by storm

clouds and mountains but still was able

to shine and light the way. It was my guide

the only reliable one I've ever had, now taken

away and once again I thought, "Why did I?"

I should have answered this long ago

but I just did not seem to know the

answer. A few years go by and it all fell

in place. The answer lies in my lack

of appreciation and gratitude for anything

life gave me.

Why I Play Basketball

Why I Play Basketball

Everybody shows up for a different reason.

A potpourri of ballers

Some guys come because they're regulars

Used to seeing all the fellas on a daily basis.

Some show for the first time on a tip from a friend

Try their skills in the best pickup around to see if they can hang.

A couple NBA cats roll through when it's their off-season.

Some jokers walk through the doors lookin' for

Nothing more than a sweat.

Some guys come to drop rainbow jumpers from deep.

Some come to throw their bodies around down low

To bang with the big boys.

Some guys pull in every day because they love talkin' trash

Barbershop talk in high tops.

They have something to say when they score.

They have something to say when anybody scores.

Some guys show up because they have nothing better to do.

Some workin' day guys show up from a bad day of work

And play until they get the sour taste out of their mouths.

Some guys come to dunk on somebody and hype up all the

Loud mouths on the sideline even more with a rim-rockin' two-hand bash.

Some feel like they're part of something, like a book club or a church.

Some guys roll in because they are addicted to competition

Got to beat somebody in something to be happy.

I show up cause the game is my life and it's the only place I get respect.

My Day

My Day

Everyday the sad and sorrow I feel.

No one can expect to be real.

Those feelings that I always felt,

I always hoped they'd melt.

Every day I wake up with the constant fear

Hoping if my freedom is anywhere near.

If you didn't know

This is how my day goes.

I open my eyes

I see nothing, what a surprise.

I take in a long, deep breath

And the air smells like death.

I think of what to do

In my small, tiny room.

I know what to do, my daily routine.

I pretend I'm stable and happy

But I feel totally crappy.

I pray for a guardian angel to save me

But, of course, that can't really be.

I force myself to eat

And for the rest of the day I feel extremely beat.

I go to my room and take a seat.

I'd love one conversation between you and me.

I lay down and pray,

Go to sleep and end my day.

Do You

Do You...

You don't understand what it's like

To grow up on the streets

You don't know what it's like

To act tough but be weak

You don't get what it's like

To be abandoned

You never felt what it's like

To have nothing to eat

You don't understand what it's like

To be thrown in the snow

In a tank top and shorts

You don't know what it's like

To steal to survive

And provide for your mama's kids

You don't get what it's like

To be locked out of the house

While running away from your "friends"

You never felt what it's like

To have no friends.

Can't hang out on the weekends

I've been through it

Tried to let go

I've seen stuff

That you never see on TV shows

All the negatives in life

All the pain and strife

Things don't end happily in the hood

Things are misunderstood

You're from the suburbs

Where everyone's a nerd

So you don't understand...do you?

Past

Past

my past isn't good

my past isn't great

there were awful things done

in front of my face

I tried to act tough

so I could keep my guard up

cause I'm afraid if I let my guard down

I'll also drop my crown

people say I'm intelligent

and I may be fun

but deep down inside

I just want to be loved

instead of wanting

to be loved I did drugs

I did it to take the pain away

so I could tell my family that I was okay

life could suck sometimes

i wish I could put it all away into a little cup

but unfortunately life doesn't go that way

and we just have to suck it up

Fair World

Fair World

I close my eyes

&

I see the wings

sparkling

big

&

pink

I wish I was that little girl again

who was afraid of the dark

had to have the little night light on

always asked to be tucked in

by mommie & daddie.

The fair world is so far away

but it feels so close to the touch

one little wish they told me

you have one little wish to come true

I wonder about it

I have a

castle

a queen and a king

that some times make me clean the dragon's area

a dragon that has fire breathing breath

really it's fire

yucky prince

&

all the love in the world

that one wish

I do not know what to ask for

maybe I could ask for new sparkly wings

when I open my eyes everything's back to the way it was

I'm in 213

wearing khakis and a polo

I read all beat up books

What happened?

In a Well-Ordered Universe

In a Well-Ordered Universe...

In a well-ordered universe

I wouldn't be myself

I wouldn't be so messed up

wouldn't need mental help

I wouldn't hurt people

or lose the ones I love

I wouldn't hate myself so much

my family would think I'm enough

Suicide would never happen

at funerals we wouldn't cry

no more people killing themselves

not having to wonder why they wanted to die

In a well-ordered universe

no one would be handicapped

there wouldn't be insecurities

the innocent wouldn't be attacked

There would be no rape

no more PTSD

there wouldn't be victims

survivors are all we'd see

There would be no racism

no more discrimination

we wouldn't hear or say racial slurs

only love across all nations

In a well-ordered universe

everyone has hope

there would still be tragic accidents

but everyone could cope

There wouldn't ever be a miscarriage

all parents would stay with and love their children

Mommies or daddies wouldn't just up and leave

no child would look at themself as a sin

Police brutality wouldn't exist

no one would have ever made any drugs

these foreign substances wouldn't enter our bodies

addicts would be addicted to hugs

In a well-ordered universe

I would be myself

everyone would have self-love

and instead of degrading

we'd give each other help

What's the Point?

What's the Point?

Dedicated to those who wonder

Somebody once told me to stop writing

so dark. Somebody told me to write

what's in my heart...

And somebody told me to write about

what awaits outside these gates

And to that I'd like to say...

What's the point?

To write about something so far away?

What's the point?

It's something I may not obtain...

So, what's the point?

So I could leave this place knowing

poverty awaits, saving my place.

What's the point?

The world is full of danger anyway

can't even walk down the street

without somebody taking aim.

So, what's the point?

Cause I think the world is fueled by hate

So I pray to god that I'll be safe when I go to

what awaits.

Poetry Guy

Poetry Guy

Poetry guy comes every other Sunday.

When it's that week we can hardly wait.

We are grateful for what you do for us.

You teach us how to express ourselves

and how to write.

We get so excited to hear the words

"Can somebody go get the Poetry Guy?"

That means he is here.

We no longer have to hide.

He brings in stories and is always

up to date on the latest events that

have taken place.

Poetry Guy, we are glad you come in.

We are inspired by all the poems you bring.

You bring your binder and copy down your notes.

You see who we really are.

You don't take us as a joke.

So long story short, thank you for your time.

We are excited to see you next time.

If a poem is interesting to you, please leave a comment. 

Sitting in My Room

Sitting in My Room

~Group Poem by TP4

My room is made of bricks

It isn't much but a shelf, bed, and desk

It has a window but I can't see out of it

Sitting in my room

Just enjoying the view

I still can't stop thinking about you

I count the bricks

The time just ticks on by

My choices have led me to this

My mind is playing tricks

Looking at these dirty white bricks

Boogers here and there

Hair balls everywhere!

My room is an 8 by 8

It's very small

My room has a door but it's not like I can choose to leave

1...2...3...faces in the wall

Which one should I talk to

Because I like them all

Sitting in my room

Waiting to be called for bathroom

But all I can do is sweep with this broom

In my room I spend a lot of time worrying

I also spend time wondering

Trust me, every day I hate this place more and more

Don't look, you'll die

Just a side eye

She saw me, there go my points.

My room is sad

It's very dull

Compared to other rooms you'll notice it's incredibly small

The walls are closing in on me

Claw marks on the windows

Screams are everywhere

I feel like bouncing off these walls

My anxiety is going

Just thinking of all these flaws in my wall

Looking in through the glass

You see a girl who is hurt

And dealing with depression.

In my room I dream

About what life could possibly be

But outside is hard to picture.

Sitting in my room

I'm lost to the outside world

Or maybe I never existed in it at all

Locked in a room like I'm locked in my mind

Giving up slowly

Wishing away the time

Worrying about my panels

Trying to use my coping skills

1, 2, 3, 4, 5 things that are happy

The regrets for what I did

Can't go back

There's only one way

This I've grown to know

You'd think I'd go insane

But I'm so used to it

Yes my room may be tons of terrible things

But for now it has what I need

Till I see what freedom can bring

My window is too small and not even clear

I wish I could see the moon

I wish I could see home

If a poem is interesting to you, please leave a comment. 

Changing Ways

CHANGING WAYS

No New Year’s resolution for me

No promises that my demons desist

Less time focusing on streets

More time focusing on degrees

Evaluate the benefits in me and

more time running in my cleats

Not so many people understand me

A few more just my family

Not so many people wanna help me

But I’m gonna focus on my health and wealth

Less running my mouth

More taking it down

Less running the streets

More running in cleats

Change after all… is good

Change after all

Is all I know

Gotta make

This time positive

Before it goes.

Nameless....Angel

Nameless….Angel

Nameless Angel,

it’s been 3 years since I been witchu

I remember them nights when I stepped

down and cried for you

you was only 13 and I was 14

you were too slow for those bullets

to miss you

lately I’ve been sleepin’

dreaming about you

and I ain’t talking about

those good times

I’m talking about July 27 when I saw

you on the floor bleedin’ your heart out

just to say I left that lifestyle go

but not sincerely

I did some hatred crimes so

I could feel you, bro

I’m silver lining just to feel

you again

we was once rivals but we’ve

become more than friends

and I sit here locked

up

wasting my time saying less

but this tag on me says

nameless

because I don’t know who I am…

without you nameless Angel

and sometimes I wonder

is Florida even

safe for me to be out there

being called a thug is not something

I wanna be called this year

Nameless Angel, hopefully later down

the line I’ll be able to see you

up there.

Dog Leash

Dog Leash

Dog leash

oh god, please help get these dang fleas

cause I’m stripped of my freedom

and I can’t speak

every time I try to bark

it’s like I’m make believe

they scream “SIT”

I follow

they scream “TALK”

I bark

short temper little dog

but my heart not small

I’ve been through hell and back

I mean look at my inside it

be nothing but straight black

I give you the puppy’s eye

so you could see through my

damn eyes

yeah, I know you don’t gotta

tell me though

my world is like a fallen

galaxy cause I can’t even

navigate through it

Oh god, please help me get these

dang fleas

cause I’m tired of being pulled

by this here leash….

Turn Back Time

Turn Back Time

If I could turn back time

Nine years ago

I would fix my thought process

If I could turn back time

To tell somebody I needed help

I wouldn't be writing this poem

If I could turn back time

To tell everyone the truth

I would be in a better position

If I could turn back time

To tell my mom I love her

I would do this in a heartbeat

Now read from bottom to top

And see what I would do now

If I could turn back time

Not Giving Up

I Made this Poem Because I Want to Let Everyone Know I’m Not Giving Up

It’s hard to get from here to there

If you never get out of bed

You lie a lot to fool your friends

But you fooled yourself instead.

It’s harder to get from here to there

If you set your goals too high

Then nothing ever works out right

Too soon you no longer try.

But the hardest way to get from here to there

Is when all you ever do

Is count up the years and miles to go

Then you’re through before you’re through

So how do you get from here to there

Well you first must believe you can

Let no one tell you differently

Its your life and its in your hands.

Then turn your dreams into your goals

And see what you need now

To satisfy the requirements:

The why, the where, and the how.

At first you’re overwhelmed, of course

There is so much you don’t know

But keep your faith, be strong and sure

For you do have a way to go.

Take careful steps and do them right

Take pride in each thing done

Don’t look to far ahead of yourself

Just that next step yet to come.

Before you know it you’ll be there, friend

Your dreams will then be real

And you’ll be standing where I am now

Telling others how good it feels.

You’ll tell them not to quit themselves

To have faith, though it’s hard to bear

So they will know it can be done

They, too, can get from here to there.