Smoldering

Smoldering

On this lonely path I go.

I know I must

to leave behind bad memories

and the hell I have caused.

A fire still burns within me.

I liked that fire in the past

but did not realize what it had caused.

The path I am on is new, even different.

Different from the path of my fire.

This new path I must take is all on me.

No fire, no hell, no misery.

On this path I must smother

the fire that rages within me.

I must live without it.

But it is hard because with it is how

I cope.

It is my life source, my being, my companion.

I will learn to smother the fire.

Until I reach an end to my path,

my fire will be smoldering.

Strength

STRENGTH

I can be as strong as a monster

Ready to destroy.

I can be as strong as the monster

Pay attention to my gnarled teeth

I will rip apart everything I step on with my feet.

I can be strong in ways you don’t expect.

I can be as strong as a hero

Able to save the day.

My strength can be gentle.

I can be as strong as a smile

Ready to say hey.

I can be strong and change the world.

I can make you smile, too.

I can be both but I don't bother to.

Dead Love

Dead Love

My love for you is very bad

I never would think that

you would treat me like trash

You can't convince me that

My family and I dislike you

It is impossible that

You can be my wife someday

You would be a disrespectful girl

I can't say that

You wouldn't hurt me emotionally

Because I know that

My life is ruined by you

It is not true that

You cared about me at every moment

I hate you

I will never say

My love for you is true

Read bottom to top

when finished!!

Champion

Champion

My champion is you.

Oh, how you've changed me.

You made me a new man

and changed my view.

I did wrong for too long.

I stayed on a negative path.

Selling drugs and fighting

got me in trouble real fast.

But then there's you, my champion.

The one who transformed me into

someone new.

The man I am today is because of you.

Never will I forget my champion.

My one year old son,

(name withheld)

Love, Part One

“Love” Part One

On days like this

I stop and wonder

where all the years

have gone.

And though time may

change a lot of things

in life, it'll never

change the love

that's felt for

a wonderful girl

like you.

Recovery (a group poem)

Recovery

(A group poem in which each member contributed at least one stanza)

Turn the key in your old ride

Hear a crack from the inside

Hear it sputter, fail to run.

You know your old car is done

I was addicted to drugs but then I sought recovery

My life was coming to an end

Rehabilitation was for me

I made some mistakes

Made my way into the juvenile hall

Now I'm here for recovery

Recovery, recovery

Yes I really need it

God, can you help me find the way?

Recovery, recovery

Something that everybody needs

Recovery can make you successful and believe

Temptation is pulling me

To go back to my old ways

No, I can't go back

Fix it before it's too late

You can heal from addiction

Just remember, Love can be a drug

It's all about the willpower to change it

But I'm 16, not brainless

Besides I knew the truth at 10

I said I'll never do it again

It was hard to break my old ways

Been doing me for years, never wanted to change

But I did it for me and I did it for my family

Times I want to break down

But don't because my family's still by my side

And now it's time for recovery

Yes, I knew I really needed it

At the end was success

And my family was really proud of me

Recovery, recovery

Help me, help me

Just want to be a better person.

Recovery ain't easy

Hard times, rough life

But got faith in life

My life is in recovery

For things I've done wrong

But now it's time to make changes

Call someone to take it away

Into the shop where it will stay

Until it's fit to drive again.

I'm Addicted

I'm Addicted

I'm addicted

I'm addicted to her love

In my addiction, my life is filled with doves

In my addiction, I'm glad to feel her hugs and

Her love that sits above

In my addiction, I hate to think about the times

We faded

In my addiction the real me becomes the

Real me because of how much I hate it

In my addiction, I struggle to tell her how

Much I love her

In my addiction, I'm hiding my true feelings

From her

In my addiction, I'm in a constant battle of

Figuring out whether she really loves me

Or not.

Dedicated to the love of my life

Untitled

Untitled

When I talk about my life people think

It's an epiphany.

But I'm just speaking from my heart

What I went through was true history.

The things that happened in my life

I never understood.

But then I cracked that mystery.

And now I really took a look

Started talking 'bout my feelings and

How I really feel about things.

It's time to dump that junk that

I had bottled up inside me.

As I started to dump it all

Got scared and pulled back

Cuz I thought they were doubting me

And thought I was full of crap.

Untitled

Untitled

I got a text message I sit on the couch

wondering what the message would say

The text message came

Forever in your arms is where I want to be

holding me close

within the space

that once held only me

The phone ringing

forever in your warmth

the place for me and you

I feel the sun

Our life's just begun

I know you miss me too

And I love you, you're my boo.

Depression

Depression

Every waking day you feel

hopeless and without inner fire

knowing only desperation

happiness, your lone desire,

dances away and with it takes

all hope of you ever coming back

to sanity, to family

to everything you ever knew.

Schizophrenia

Schizophrenia

You're of two minds, it's insanity.

You hear the voices, they urge you on.

Telling you, demanding of you,

everything you know is wrong.

Stubbed Toe

Stubbed Toe

The pain

it overwhelms your mind.

The pulsing agony

it makes you blind,

Rage at the source

it consumes your soul.

Your wrath

is impossible to console.

Sanity

you no longer know.

Curse the world

you stubbed your toe.

The Beast

The Beast

The rasping, gasping evil tone

The source of evil the heart of stone

A need to raze a love of death

The presence of it takes your breath

The monster with it's grotesque form

A face despised, withered, and torn

You cannot think, you cannot run

Chance of escape is slim to none

It closes in and moves to kill

It seeks excitement but you stay still

Your consciousness begins to fade

Your fate is set, the deal is made

You cease to breath, you see the end

The beast begins to tear and rend

You drift away and leave your mind

And everything you knew behind.

Survival Short Lived

“Survival Short Lived” - DJ A.M.

A crash in the night

A shot in the dark

A flame in the sky

You walk away against all odds

But you allowed the needle to play God.

Message to My Godmother

Message to My Godmother

That girl in the mirror

daughter of San Juan

made of sunshine and sugarcane

looks like my mom

She used to run weightless

Time a perfumed bottle

hanging from her neck

Manana a song

she made up the words to

while she skipped

until the day she stopped

caught the toothless, squirming bundle

heaven dropped into her arms

and gravity kicked in

Her life took a new spin

This screaming gift did not

lead her to dream places

or fill all her empty spaces

like she thought

Silly C------, she bought into

Miami high

That love is mostly what you get

instead of what you give

and what it costs

like the perfumed bottle

ripped from her neck

and sent flying to the ground

The crashing sound

of years lost

shattered in her ears

and new fears emerged

from the looking glass

Sometimes I wonder

if I'll ever see her again.

ADDICTED

I am addicted.

I am addicted to you.

In my addiction, my life is filled with wonder.

In my addiction, I am glad to feel loved by you.

I am addicted.

I am addicted to you.

In my addiction, I hate to think about being without you.

In my addiction, the real me becomes curious and blissful.

I am addicted.

I am addicted to you.

In my addiction, betrayal comes in the form of evil.

n my addiction, I struggle to not think about you.

I am addicted.

I am addicted to you.

In my addiction, I am hiding my worries about you.

In my addiction, I’m in a constant battle with loving you for life.

I am addicted.

The Sheep of Life

The Sheep of Life

Seeing the sheep of life

is the wisdom

we must aspire.

Hearing the bleat

of a little lamb

is the first cry

of a child.

Knowing the inspiration

will pick all of us up

when we are

feeling down.

The sheep is a

vehement sign

that our life can change

for the better.

Seeing it roam

in the pasture

just another day.

She gets to live

the worst is for the better.

When you taste it

it will be strong

but don't let it

get to you.

Let the inspiration

of aspiration

pick you up.

If you're happy

the sheep will be happy.

Kindness is a way to start.

Be your best.

Little lamb let your tender heart rest.

ADDICTED

I am addicted.

I am addicted to the streets.

In my addiction, my life is filled with grief.

In my addiction, I am glad to feel relief.

I am addicted to the drama

In my addiction, I hate to think about the struggles of my mama.

In my addiction, the real me becomes overpowered.

I am addicted to the trends.

In my addiction, betrayal comes in the form of a friend.

In my addiction, I struggle to stay sane.

I am addicted to the rush.

In my addiction, I am hiding my true colors.

I’m in a constant battle with my demons.

I am addicted.

Twin Doors

Twin Doors

I see a door

It's the color of coal

At it's side there is another door

It's the color of snow

One to temptation

One to salvation

I am stuck

With either door comes new opportunities

But one's filled with joy

The other with scrutinies

One's full of sin an blasphemy

It's twin holds love, peace, and tranquility

And now comes the question

Which shall I choose?

My Friend

My Friend

All I see is white walls

They're there when I wake up

And when I go to sleep

They stare at me with a stone cold expression

They laugh when I cry

And mock me when I am down

But yet they are my greatest friends

They listen to my troubles

And all of my struggles

All of my irrational thoughts

All of my happy thoughts

And sometimes I wonder

Am I going insane/

Untitled

Untitled

I think I'm going insane

Stuck between 4 walls that feel like a cage

I can't keep up with these thoughts in my brain

Pushing me to do wrong when I'm trying to do right

I can't let 'em win so I continue to fight

In the light is where I wanna be

not the darkness

My old way wasn't cuttin' it so I chalked it

So now I started from the bottom up

And I won't give in or even let 'em up

I keep them grounded like a bad child

They try to put me down but I still smile

And ayo thoughts, I know we've gone the mile

But I'm a change man so you'll be gone

A while.

The Right Shoulder Man

The Right Shoulder Man

I love him because he helps

me challenge all my sinister

thoughts.

He accepts me with all my sins

and my faults.

He leads me away from

the temptation to

achieve salvation.

He shows me the

Good Orderly Direction.

This can only be one person.

The man on my right shoulder.

Nature is Calling

Nature is Calling

Nature has always been a beautiful thing.

When it comes to the burgeoning of trees

the singing of the birds

or the buzzing of the bees.

With the dulcet sound of the stream

the sun in the distance

in a beautiful Shangrila dream.

I'm a zealot when it comes to an adventure.

Visiting forests is my biggest goal.

The nature there is garish

it will always be in my soul.

The extraordinary beauty of gigantic bears

claw marks on maple trees

where they left their matted hairs.

Rotted out trees that have fallen

the dead leaves and weeds

the wind is calling.

All the sweet little animals that are at peace

eating and drinking all day

hearing the squawk of a bunch of geese.

The bright blue sky wherever you go

by being intrepid you will be affected

and want to watch bright stars glow.

Nature will always be on my mind

I will be orgulous either way

because the wilderness is very kind.

Make the Move

Make the Move

I can't take it back

but I gotta keep moving

and grooving.

Only thing I got up in my hands is

making better improvements.

I gotta do it

cuz I know I wanna get better.

Max up out dis place

Move on with my life and get up

out the center.

So I'm reaching for my destination

using God as motivation.

Told me I could do it

so I took His word no hesitation.

Ain't no one gone stop me

I'ma get it like I'm Rocky.

Beat up on these people stocky

running through the field I'm cocky.

Make the move.

Untitled

Untitled

I had to work to get to where I wanted

to be never thought that I could

rap or put rhythm to a beat

now I'm here and I made it it was

all up to me

couldn't let nobody put me down

or let them stop me

Throughout my life I had some people

telling me I couldn't do it

But I proved them wrong

once I picked that mic up I started

spitten my song

Realized that I had talent

so I stepped up in the booth

Once I stepped up in the booth

started spitten nothing but the truth

once I realized that my rap game

could take me somewhere in life

I stopped wearing that bulletproof

and picked up the mic.

Hallucination

Hallucination

There's someone there

It's got to be true

There's someone there and it's got to be you.

My father I'm seeing

Is this really true

Got me feeling like I'm hallucinating

Haven't seen my father in years

So I'm really hype to see him

I run up to him, arms real wide

What's that on my face? Yes it's a smile

I jump up so he can grab me

But then I go right through him

I fall to the ground

Now my whole life is in ruin

I'm sitting on the ground pouting

Feeling like I'm climbing up a mountain

With a thousand pounds on my back

And it ain't never stopping

Thought he came back for me

But it was just a ghost

Yea, that ghost got me

Cuz now my heart is toast

I don't even know what to do

Man I'm so confused

My thoughts are roaming places that I ain't

even choose.

That's why I went to drugs and used

To get away from my thoughts and

feelings of my abuse

And it's not just with my father

It's with my mother, too

The stuff that we went through

was really out of the blue

Man the street's been eating us alive

Since the age of five

I gave my hopes up a while ago

Cuz I knew we couldn't survive

Man my life is tough

Yea, we had it rough

It's like those streets are eating us and

They can't get enough.

When is it gonna stop

I wish I had a time so I can look

At the clock and figure out when we

Gonna get off the block

Cuz I'm getting tired of going back to back

I want to know when we're gonna have

A stable home so we can sit back

And relax straight facts.

Let's get it

But I know it ain't gonna stop

Cuz we been on dis ride going back

To back since twelve o'clock

I turn around

Look at my mom like what we gonna

Do

Ma can you please say something

Ma what can we do

But she's just looking straight in my

Eyes like she ain't got no freaking

Clue

Like she don't know what to do

Like she don't know what she puttin us

Through

Got me sick to my stomach like I'm stuck

With the flu

No wonder we living in poverty

And it really bothers me

Mom ain't doing nothing

We sleeping all up in a hotel lobby

But pause

My mother is my mother

Even though she got us in the gutter

I still love her like no other.

Special Kid

Special Kid

A very important

birthday poem!

Each family needs

a person, someone

friendly, fun

and smart.

A fellow who's got

lots of charm

with courage in

his heart.

A cheerful sort,

ambitious

easygoing.

Handsome, too...

Each family needs

a guy like that.

Hey, wait a sec

that's you!!

Love and Hate

Love and Hate

Hate

It corrodes your insides

It poisons your heart

Makes you yell, kick, and fight

But it can be cured by only one thing

Love

It is hate's total opposite

When you love you see the beauty of

Many kinds

When you hate you see life through

closed eyes

When you hate you fail to love

And when you love you see the

Hate

They are like night and day

and the world needs both

Waiting for My Moment

Waiting for My Moment

I did what I had to do

I proved what I had to prove

Is there anything more that I have to lose

I'm going to the edge

I hit rock bottom falling from a ledge

I'm making my way to the hedge

Take it to the head

Soon you'll be back to your bed

Is what they always said

But I'm tired of the lying

Tears on my face from crying

They don't know that I'm really trying

To make an effort to go through a metamorphosis

By passing tests and all the other courses

But being pulled by forces

In each and every direction

I'm starting to lose affection

So pay attention

To the words that I'm spilling

I'm willing

To spare my people from the killing

I need to be the change I want to see in people

Everything that's happening is lethal

I just want to live peaceful

But everything has me moping

Like bad blood spilled from an omen

I'm just waiting for my moment.

Pain (Group)

Note: This is a group poem in which each of the boys in the writing group contributed at least one 3 line stanza on their chosen theme of Pain.

Pain

Pain is indescribable

Pain is an enigma

Why won't my pain go away?

Pain is bad

Pain is really bad

Pain is like a pencil in my back

In the beginning

The pain was tolerable

As sunburn soothed by aloe

But the pain worsened

like skin blistered

from the touch of red hot iron

My pain is unbearable

It splits my skull like a knife

going through butter

It's like the look a man gets

when he knows he's going to die

The pain in his eyes gives it all away

This pain is like a sore

that won't go away

I try to itch it but it just stays.

All I see is pain

I'm living unashamed

But also dying by the gain

How can I maintain

With these demons in my brain

Pain can be violent

Pain can be silent

Silent waters run deep

You reap what you sow

And you sow what you reap.

The pain was not physical

Heartbreak is

The pain searing inside my chest

My pain is not your pain

It's all my own

So don't you ask

Just leave me alone

Note: This is a group poem in which each of the boys in the writing group contributed at least one 3 line stanza on their chosen theme of being Here.

 

 

Here

Like the first time I saw this place

When I got locked up there was fear

But that's now gone to a different me

Jumping hurdles day by day

Mending the broken relationships

Not just to better ourselves

Like when I first came down for treatment

Like when I throw my hissy fits

Like when I finally give in

It is the test of all tests

We have to be our best

On a very long quest

The staff makes you tired

It's like the running of the bulls

And I have been on my last strand

Like the staff trying to help out

When the white walls are closing inward

It all stops when I finally give in

I feel like a puppet

Will I be released?

Will I ever hear the trumpet?

Nowhere to run

Only in my mind

Just darkness, I can't see the sun

Doing the same things, just a different day

I'm always wondering when it will finally end

But in the end I know I will be better

These walls be talking to me

They be bumpin' like some speakers

Letting me know I have a family waiting

And I'm sittin' in this room

with nothing new

because it's the same thing just a different day

And there's nothing I can do

But do what I have to do

because I know I have a family waiting

But I be gettin' in my head

Feeling empty like I'm dead

While sitting here always debating

Because it gets old, it gets old

Growing gray hairs

Like it was some wisdom to be told

And you have two ears and one mouth

So you can listen more than you talk

Because well done is better than well said.

Untitled

Untitled

The time I've lost

will never be found again.

Yet even in my darkest days

I've thought of this moment.

I've changed.

I've conquered some of my greatest fears

In hopes that I can face the rest.

I've come a long way

and I will go even further.

Me and Myself

Me and Myself

I love me

Forever I have seen you in the mirror

even when I walk

you follow me like a hollow ghost

stretched upon the ground and walls

so close, yet so far

I could never reach you.

Those Days

Those Days

Those days I was happy
Those days I would smile

Those days I was with my family

Those days I was still a child.

I'll never forget those days

they were the best

and it's those days

that stick out from the rest.

When it comes to my family

there was no other

we were always together

and we would do anything for each other.

Seaside Heights, Ocean City Maryland

Jamaica, or Bermuda

It was my family

who came through blaring.

As years passed

those days became more rare

I saw 'em slippin away

and that feeling made me scared.

Those days are gone now

Those days will live long now

Those days will never leave my head

Those days are like my favorite song now.

Facing Each New Day

 

 

 

 

 

Facing Each New Day

As you face each new today,

may you find you'll always be

prepared to meet it's challenge,

use it's opportunity.

May you always have a dream to follow,

wisdom's light to guide you.

May you know that others love you

and will always stand beside

you.

Fire and Ice

Fire and Ice

If you play with fire

you get burned.

I found that out many

times in my life.

For example,

if you push someone to

their limits time after

time, you lose them....

forever!

After a while, the burn

starts to heal. That's

where you need ice

for extra help and that

help would come from your

friends and family. And

after the burn heals, you

will forever have a scar

to remind you that when

you keep adding fuel to

a fire you will always

get burned in the end.